The Ding Files

Ding File 001: The Martian Marching Band FILE 001: “The Martian Marching Band” Genre: Interstellar Polyrhythmic Percussion Band: The Red Dust Regiment Date of Release: Q1 2025 Certification: **1** Planetary Evacuation, **1** Grammy Nomination The Genius: Gravitational Time-Stretching To achieve an authentic sense of alien gravity affecting the music’s rhythm, Snarfus recorded the drum line…

Ding File 002: Appalachian Grunge FILE 002: “Appalachian Grunge” Genre: High-Gain Hillbilly Harmony Band: The Kudzu Cult Date of Release: Q4 2024 Certification: **1** Missing Banjo, **4** Noise Complaints The Genius: The Octave-Shifted Distress To capture the authentic, isolated sound of mountain music, Snarfus recorded the lead acoustic guitar track using a modified microphone placed…

Ding File 003: Experimental Doo-Wop FILE 003: “Experimental Doo-Wop” Genre: Atonal A-Cappella Trauma Band: The Chromatic Crooners Date of Release: Q3 2024 Certification: **1** Therapy Dog, **2** Weeks of Perfect Pitch The Genius: The Zero-Crossing Distortion For the bass vocal track, Snarfus employed a psychoacoustic technique known as “Zero-Crossing Distortion.” He used a highly specialized…

Ding File 004: Crust Punk Opera FILE 004: “Crust Punk Opera” Genre: Melodic Street Filth Band: The Sewer Rats of La Scala Date of Release: Q2 2024 Certification: **3** Arrests, **1** Platinum Record The Genius: The Algorithmic Sincerity For the central aria, Snarfus composed a complex, **11-part harmony** that required an entire orchestra of screaming…

Ding File 005: Funeral Doom Reggae FILE 005: “Funeral Doom Reggae” Genre: Slow Motion Skank Band: The Grieving Wailers Date of Release: Q1 2024 Certification: 4 Days of Silence The Genius: The Zero-Gravity Kick Drum Snarfus obsessed over the perfect “anti-gravity” feel for the kick drum, which was required to hit only once every **18…

Ding File 006: Hardcore Mariachi FILE 006: “Hardcore Mariachi” Genre: Thrash Horn Fusion Band: The Sombrero Slayers Date of Release: Q4 2023 Certification: $2$ Broken Trompetas The Genius: The Zero-Latency Vocal Stack Snarfus achieved a perfect sense of rhythmic aggression by triple-stacking the gang vocals. He used a custom-built, zero-latency digital delay line set to…

Ding File 007: Avant-Garde Sea Shanties FILE 007: “Avant-Garde Sea Shanties” Genre: Maritime Minimalism Band: The Barnacled Baritones Date of Release: Q3 2023 Certification: Discovered 1 New Whale Song The Genius: The Hydro-Acoustic Mix Snarfus refused to use typical digital reverb, insisting the sound needed to be “oceanically wet.” He built a custom array of…

Ding File 008: Progressive Bollywood FILE 008: “Progressive Bollywood” Genre: 19/8 Time Signature Dance Anthem Band: The Mumbai Microtones Date of Release: Q2 2023 Certification: 400 Dancers Confused The Genius: The Asymmetrical Groove Snarfus took the typically rigid rhythm of traditional Bollywood dance tracks and introduced an unpredictable **19/8 time signature** in the verses, gradually…

Ding File 009: Industrial Death-Funk FILE 009: “Industrial Death-Funk” Genre: Sarcastic, Groove-Oriented Noise Band: The Hydraulic Dissent Date of Release: Q1 2023 Certification: $7$ Safety Violations The Genius: The Calculated Noise Floor To create the perfect, claustrophobic atmosphere, Snarfus recorded the rhythm section in an active hydraulics factory. He didn’t filter the factory’s **ambient noise…

Ding File 010: Emo Skateboard Ska FILE 010: “Emo Skateboard Ska” Genre: Melodramatic Third-Wave Skacore Band: The Existential Horn Section Date of Release: Q3 2022 Certification: $2$ Trombones Destroyed The Genius: The Perfect Upstroke Phase Snarfus obsessed over the rhythmic feel of the guitar upstrokes (ska’s signature sound). He meticulously micro-edited every single strum, aligning…