Dangling Participle

Well I once was a scholar with a grammar degree,
Had a MLA sticker on the back of my Jeep,
But a whiskey-fueled night at the Honky-Tonk Pub
Turned my subject-verb agreement into hillbilly grub.

I was diagrammin’ clauses on a barroom stool,
Till a smokin’ hot sentence broke every rule,
She whispered, “You ever split an infinitive, hun?”
And I knew right then my syntax was done!

And it all started with my Danged Dangling Part iss sipel!
Left my predicate hangin’ like a moonshine nipple!
My modifiers twisted like a pig in a poke,
And my Oxford comma went up in smoke!

Now I’m runnin’ with a fragment, grammar-forsaken,
Broke every rule ol’ Strunk and White had shaken,
YEE-HAW! Grammar police on my tail with a whistle,
All ‘cause I flirted with that Danged Dangling Part iss sipel!

Now the sheriff’s a teacher from a high school class,
With a blackboard badge and a stick of sass.
He caught me in a clause with a comma splice,
Said, “You better lawyer up or diagram it twice!”

He found a semicolon in my glovebox tray,
And a plural noun makin’ out with a cliché.
He said, “That apostrophe’s in the wrong locale!”
I said, “Don’t blame me, it was MLA style!”

Yeah, it all started with my Danged Dangling Part iss sipel!
Tried to predicate love, but it turned out triple.
My tense went past, my voice went passive,
And my subject got weirdly transitive!

I got litotes hangin’ where my verbs should be,
And a misused gerund winkin’ at me,
Lordy! My conjunctions just formed a thistle,
Since I tangled with that Danged Dangling Part iss sipel!

I met her at a syntax jamboree,
She said “Baby, I ain’t dependent, I’m just misunderstood.”
Next thing I knew, we were prepositionin’
Behind the bleachers… with no antecedent.

Now I’m wanted in seven states and a paragraph,
Got a metaphor tattoo and a grammar-stamp laugh.
They say I broke the rules of the Chicago Book,
But I plead poetic license with a thievin’ look.

Now I’m hidin’ out down in a footnote shack,
Where every semicolon’s got my back.
So if you ever feel your structure slip,
You better keep your participles zipped!

‘Cause it all started with my Danged Dangling Part iss sipel!
Now I’m syntax-spinnin’ like a moonshine missile!
My diction’s dirty, my clauses tight,
And my independent phrase got into a fight!

I’m a grammatical outlaw, I don’t take flack,
Just me and my ellipsis… never lookin’ back!
One more verse and I’ll blow this epistle,
Forever damned by that Danged Dangling Part iss sipel!