WARNING: DO NOT HIRE SNARFUS DING.
HE IS A MUSICAL GENIUS AND A SOCIAL EPIDEMIC.
Snarfus Ding is not a person. He is an industry event. He’s the perfectly tuned F major chord played while wearing a clown shoe and screaming slurs into a $10,000 ribbon mic. He’s the reason his last mix got an inexplicable Grammy nomination AND a restraining order.
Ding is the industry's most sought-after session genius and its least-tolerated human. He can identify a half-cent pitch drift in a bootleg recording, but he also thinks the "pre-master" button in a DAW is for making tea. He’s the guy who fixes your band’s career with a single, earth-shattering riff, then spends the next week trying to eat the microphone.
THE PROCESS
Snarfus has never had a permanent gig. He parachutes in. He fixes the unsolvable mix problem. He generates - weeks of pure, unadulterated viral hype and three top-ten hits. Then, he either gets fired for being offensively obtuse or simply wanders away after successfully replacing all of the drummer’s cymbals with pizza boxes.
He specializes in genre mastery, only to immediately ruin the subsequent press tour with an act of unspeakable social idiocy.
READY TO READ THE MADNESS?
THE RUMORS ARE REAL. Dive into The Ding Files below and understand why you should never, ever, under any circumstances, allow this man within feet of your mix bus.
Introducing Snarfus Ding!
This isn't just a song debut; it's a professional hazard you can't look away from. For years, the industry whispered about the ghost in the machine—the session player who could nail a polyrhythm on a drum machine programmed in assembly language but couldn't order a coffee without starting an international incident. That ghost has a name: Snarfus Ding.
THE SOUND OF CHAOS
Snarfus's catalogue is a genre graveyard. One week he's delivering platinum Baroque Trap using a distorted harpsichord and a kick drum recorded in a subway tunnel; the next he's performing screaming, high-fidelity Industrial Crust Punk. He doesn't respect boundaries, but his records sell.
A necessary warning: due to his limited vocabulary and pathological need to offend everyone, Ding's lyrical content is routinely classified as explicitly hostile. If you’re easily triggered, offended, or have taste, proceed with caution.
Snarfus has generated a ton of media in his travels, much to his embarrassment.
I bet we get a lot more.